The Grace Of God Will Always Be Enough

Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

Francis de Sales

Grace amongst grief

In the midst of deep grief, I cry out to the Lord often. And in the honest, aching, moments – I tend to say, “I didn’t ask for this.” I didn’t ask for this pain, this sorrow, this suffering. And I ask him to take away the pain.

But do any of us ask for this? Does anyone ask for their child to go to Heaven before them? No. None of us ask for that. None of us willingly sign up for this kind of pain. But when I decided to follow Jesus – I did sign up to never walk through this life alone. I did sign up for the grace, for the comfort, for the hope, and for eternity with the Father.

So do I just get to take the good and say no to the hard? Do I base God’s goodness on the state of my circumstances? God cannot fail us. And if I trust Him and believe that he cannot fail, what happens in the midst of suffering? I trust Him. And if His word says that he is working all this out for my good and His glory then I choose to believe that. 

However, there is one who willingly did sign up to suffer. And it was all for us. Christ chose suffering. And after experiencing this pain of loss, I can’t even fathom choosing this. What a selfless sacrifice that was made on our behalf.

This life is hard, but it is fleeting. It is but a vapor in light of eternity. If God is sovereign and this is the path He put me on, then he will give me the unfailing strength to bear it. All is of grace.

The Will of God

The will of God is not something we can foresee. It’s not something we can predict. It’s unknown. And even when the will of God is revealed, we still may not understand why that was His will. We may never know why we were chosen for this type of suffering, but I know the grace of God covers it.

When we feel scared to surrender our will to God’s, we tend to forget the grace that will cover all of the hard places. If we could’ve seen how this story played out, would we have tried to get pregnant? Would we choose this road knowing what was ahead? I don’t know. We may have been able to avoid the pain, but we would’ve missed out on the unexplainable joy that our son brought us. We would’ve missed out on the transformation that is happening in our own lives and the lives of those around us. There’s a reason we do not get to see the will of God. There’s a reason that He is sovereign and we are not. But this I know – no matter the suffering, the grace of God will always be enough.  

Grace Upon Grace

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” We don’t know what the future holds and we do not know what the will of God is. But I do know that whatever it is, all is of grace. Let’s look further into 2 Corinthians 12:9.

His Grace is Sufficient

The definition of sufficient: enough to meet the needs of a situation. What a gift our Father has given us. God is going to give me enough to meet the needs of my situation, no matter what the situation is. Every single day He will give me what I need.

I don’t think I fully understood what sufficient grace was until I had to walk this road. I desperately need God’s grace each and every day. I need God’s grace to get out of bed in the morning. I need His grace to homeschool my kids. I need it to respond in love, and not in anger. Even at my darkest hour, His grace is always sufficient.

Oh how I pray to learn and understand that He will ALWAYS meet our needs. That he will ALWAYS be sufficient. His comfort covers my sorrow and His goodness floods me with joy.

We are so consumed by his grace, even in the midst of this.

His Power is Made Perfect in my Weakness

What has surprised me about grief is how exhausting it is. My heart, my mind, and my body are so tired. Leaning into His power is what gets me through each day. I’ve never felt more weak than I do now. My flesh tries to figure that out and fix it. How can I get stronger? How can I fight this anxiety that is trying to take me over? What steps can I take to do this grief thing well?

Sometimes I just have to tell myself to stop it. Stop trying to fix this, stop trying to fight this. Lean into the pain, but lean into the grace more. Lean into all of it. Because when we are weak, He is so, so strong.

We aren’t created to be strong, but we are created to trust in His strength. And what a relief that is. I don’t have to fight anything. I don’t have to fix anything. I just have to trust in Him.

One of our prayers when we got the news about our son was that it would bring our family closer. That we would lean into each other instead of turn away. That we would be honest about our feelings, and allow one another to be there for us throughout our sorrow. By the grace of God, Kaleb’s life has brought our family closer. And I do feel like each day I get a little stronger. But it’s not at all by my own strength, it’s through accepting the strength of the Lord.

There’s Nothing He Withholds

Psalm 84:11 states, “No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Everything that happens in our life has to pass through the Father’s hands first. So when I feel like His will is not what I want, I have to remember that this was not a random occurrence. Our son’s life was ordained by God. He is not withholding anything from us, although it may feel that way.

We prayed, Your will be done. Over and over we prayed for the will of the Father. We surrendered our wants and desires to His. Because I know that He is not withholding anything from us. I know that His will is good and perfect. So instead of fighting it, I want to embrace it. I want to embrace whatever the Father gives, knowing that His mercy will never fail me.

The gift of embracing both

Sorrow has become a comfortable place for me. The moments of deep sadness is a way of spending time with my son. Those tears are for him. And as I continue to cry out to the Lord, those tears of sorrow turn into tears of joy. When I pray, there’s a new closeness I feel to the Lord because he’s got my son. I cry out to the Lord and wonder what it’s like in Heaven right now. My heart longs for Heaven like never before.

The Lord is near, and I see His faithfulness all over my life. I see his faithfulness in the fact that our family has been strengthened through the loss of our son. I see it in my girl’s faces when they light up with joy when talking about their baby brother. I see it when my seven year old asks me the hardest questions, and I get to remind her that our circumstances do not define God. And that He is good because of who He is.

The past seven weeks have been filled with the deepest pain and sorrow I have ever felt. But to know deep pain is to know true joy. The moments of joy mean more than they ever have. We cling to them and we embrace them alongside the sorrow.

From here to Heaven

“We don’t know what God is going to ask of us between here and Heaven – but whatever it is, the grace will be there.” – Elisabeth Elliot. We don’t know what will be asked of us, but there are some things I do know. The Lord cannot and will not fail us. He will be with us in the valleys and on the mountaintops. He will never, ever leave us. His will for our lives is full of love. He has given us the hope of eternity and the gift of grace. As we lean into this grief, we lean into the grace that covers all of it.

Thanks for being here,
Jenny

Our son’s full story can be found here.