It always amazes me how much our words can either help or hurt our husbands. In this post, I share some simple ways you can encourage and support your husband. I’ll also give you some words of affirmation for him.
Our role as his helper
Before getting into how you can speak words of encouragement to your husband, let’s talk about why it is so important. Genesis 2:18 says, “ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” This was God’s plan all along. Creating a “helper” was not an afterthought, it was all on purpose.
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So what is our role as his “helper?” It may look different depending on the stage of life you are in, but let’s look at what we are called to according to the Bible.
Become his companion
Ecclesiastes 2:9-12 states,”Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” We are called to companionship.
Similar to speaking words of affirmation for him, being a true friend to your husband can make the biggest difference in this regard. Show interest in what he is interested in. The best way to do this is to laugh together, enjoy one another, and remember that your friendship is a vital part of your relationship. Spending quality time together that you both enjoy can be a hard task to accomplish, but with some work it is definitely possible!
Figuring out your husband’s love language will make such a difference. You can take the love language test here to learn what your husband’s main love language is. And to dive deeper, there is also a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman.
Submit to your husband
Submission can be a touchy subject, but according to the Bible – it is what we are called to do. If you have a tough time with this, know that you are not alone. It is so easy to resent this verse, or even pretend like it doesn’t exist. Submission is not easy, but it is how God designed our marriages to be. Living out your Biblical role in submitting to your husband may not be the most natural thing for you to do, but it leads to a healthy and life-giving marriage.
If you’re looking for some encouraging books, here is a list of my favorite Christian books for moms.
Have a servant’s heart
This is another one that may not come naturally. But when we look at the like of Jesus, it was full of service to others. We are called to do the same. Matthew 20:28 states, “even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” When selfishness is our go-to, we miss out on the joy of servanthood. A great way to show love to your husband is to serve him selflessly. This is especially important when going through hard times. Finding acts of service that fill his heart is a great place to start when it comes to servanthood.
Another huge act of service comes into play with homemaking. Being a homemaker has become a passion of mine, because I have seen the blessing that it truly is. If you are struggling or frustrated when it comes to homemaking, here is my Ultimate Homemaking Guide.
Respect your husband
I believe a husband’s biggest need is to feel respected. Without respect, our words and actions may not be received well. Men desire to be respected just like women desire to feel loved. A great book to explain this further is Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Speaking words of affirmation for him is a great way to remind him that he is respected by you. Simply saying, “I respect you” can go a long way, but showing that you respect him can go a lot further.
Do not go at this alone
While all of the above attributes are what the Lord calls us to, they are some of the hardest to do in our own will power. Depending on and trusting in the Lord is how we can live out this calling to be our husband’s “helper.”
Marriage takes work is truly an understatement. It’s a constant battle to live out your Biblical roles. It is a battle against culture, against your mind, and against your own selfishness. But a healthy and happy marriage can be lived out when operating in a Biblical and God honoring way.
7 simple ways to encourage and support your husband
1. Let him lead
1 Corinthians 11:3 states, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Our culture often gets this backwards and we miss out on what God intended for our marriages. Our husbands are the head of our household. I used to think this just meant that my husband would have the final say on big decisions. But it’s so much more than that. It’s a daily surrender to what God calls us to – to submit to our husbands in the big and little things. Oftentimes a husband doesn’t lead because he isn’t given the opportunity. I know I’ve really had to work on stepping back to allow my husband to step into his God given role as a leader.
A book that really encouraged me in this area was Feminine Appeal. It just really breaks down Titus 2 and what we are called to as Christian women. Highly, highly recommend this book!
2. Initiate
While we all love to be swept off our feet, there is something about initiating that can make our husbands feel so loved. Not only intimately, but even in your daily life. There are so many creative ways this can be done. Initiate a conversation about something he loves, plan a fun date night at his favorite place, send sweet text messages, and don’t be afraid to think outside the box!
3. Speak well of him and words of affirmation over him
I cannot stress this one enough. In our premarital counseling, we were advised to NEVER speak poorly of your spouse, especially to family members. I am so thankful for this advice. I believe it saved us a lot of heartache and hurt feelings. But aside from just not speaking poorly of your man, it’s so important to build him up. Praise him in front of others. Try not to fall into the trap of “venting about our husbands.” It can be a slippery slope and it’s best to commit to only speak positive things about your husband.
There is a time and a place (like a counseling room) to talk about the hardships of your marriage. There will be times when that may be needed. But aside from that, simply speak kind words of him! What we say has such a great impact on how we view and treat our spouse.
4. Pray for him
I believe that praying for your husband is one of the best ways to love him. Our prayers are always heard and the Lord knows our hearts. Praying powerful prayers over your husband will make a difference.
Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe is a great book to get you started in this area.
5. Listen to him
This one seems obvious, but it’s one that I tend to struggle with. When you are raising little kids and life is full, sometimes listening to my husband is not top of the list. But it should be! Create time in your day to truly listen and engage with your spouse. While women generally need this more, our husbands may need it more than we think.
6. Show interest in what he is interested in
This is a great way to fill his love tank. There may be some things that you are both interested in, and that is awesome! But oftentimes spouses develop different interests. A great way to support your husband is to learn and show interest in what he is interested in. That is how someone develops into a best friend, so don’t forget to bring this into your marriage as well!
7. Be a safe place for him
It’s so important for your husband to feel like you are a safe place for him. That no matter what is on his mind or heart, you are there to listen and support him through it. This is a great way to express love to your husband. There have been hard seasons in our marriage when I wasn’t a safe place for my husband. I was judgmental and often misunderstood where he was coming from. Being a safe place for him means you listen without judgement, and you love him through whatever he is going through.
Words of affirmation for him
These positive affirmations can make such a difference in reassuring your husband that he is loved, respected and wanted. There may be different ways to encourage and love your husband specifically, but here are some examples of words of affirmation for him:
- I trust you
- I believe in you
- You are a great father
- I’m with you
- You are a man of integrity
- You make me a better woman
- I appreciate you
- You are a great husband
- You are such a hard worker
- I am proud of you
- You are a great leader
- I want you and I need you
Now go make a list of ideas of any other words of affirmation for him! Keep this list handy and every so often, remind him of these things.
I hope this post encourages you in your walk with the Lord and as you navigate whatever season of marriage you are in. Above all else – remember that bringing your concerns, frustrations, and shortcomings to the Lord will always be heard.
Thanks so much for being here,
Jenny